Be Clear and Solution-Focused
– Focus on the solution, not the problem. Clearly state what you need in one or two sentences.
– Example: “I’m not able to take care of your plants while you’re on vacation.”
State Your Needs or Say No
– Speak your truth with phrases like:
– “I want…”
– “I need…”
– “I expect…”
– “Next time…”
Practicing Boundary Statements
– “I would like you to listen instead of offering solutions.”
– “I feel unsafe in this interaction.”
– “Please respect my decision.”
– “I need a few moments to myself.”
– “I need to vent. Do you have a moment to listen?”
– “I’m not looking for advice. I just want to vent.”
– “This isn’t the best time for me to talk. I will call you back when I can give you my full attention.”
– “I know you meant well, but what you said wasn’t helpful.”
Six Steps to Setting Boundaries with Challenging People
1. Assertively restate the boundary as needed.
2. Correct the violation in real time.
3. Be consistent with implementing your boundaries.
4. Accept that difficult people are entitled to their response.
5. Choose not to take it personally.
6. Manage your discomfort.
Assertiveness Statements
– “My food wasn’t prepared properly. I want a refund.”
– “I’m not satisfied with my haircut. I would like you to fix it.”
– “The next time you’re going to be late, please let me know ahead of time.”
– “I don’t think it’s funny to talk about my weight.”
– “I don’t want to talk about having kids.”
– “I’m not seeking feedback.”
– “I’m speaking.”
– “I don’t want to talk about my dating life.”
– “I feel supported when you honor my wishes.”
Polite Decline Statements
– “Thanks for thinking of me. I really wish I could.”
– “I’d love to, but I’m already overcommitted.”
– “Unfortunately, that’s not something I can do at this time.”
– “I’m already booked.”
– “I’m not interested.”
– “Maybe next time.”
– “I wish I could, but I just can’t.”
– “I don’t think I’m the right person to help with that.”
– “I’m sorry I can’t help you this time.”
– “That sounds fun, but I just can’t afford it right now.”
– “It’s not a good time.”
– “I can’t take on any new projects.”
– “That sounds interesting, but it doesn’t align with my priorities.”
– “I’m focused on my family right now, so I’m limiting my other commitments.”
– “That’s not my strong suit, so I’m going to decline.”
